Here I am back in September, brimming with optimism, not knowing what the future would hold. I’m finally posting the image now.
November 6, 2024
Woke up to terrible news. I need a new process to process.
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I’ve spent the last year looking back in time. It was a lovely ritual.
I knew when the project was over I wanted to hold on to that slice of the morning and dedicate it to making something new.
To look forward instead of back.
To imagine what could be instead of what once was.
So today I broke out markers mom packed for me when I went off to college in 1990. She wrote my name on the package (and also sewed tags in my underwear).
These markers have been with me through every move, packed in a box with protractors and ellipse templates.
Today I used these markers for the very first time.
I didn’t know what to make when presented with a blank page, so I just made a sunrise of sorts.
(PS — I can’t believe the markers still worked. And also? Fuck.)
I’m feeling really sad this week. I promised myself I’d allow the sadness until Monday, then I’ll let myself be angry. But for now… peace fingers, mom’s handwriting, markers that still have life in them, and a beautiful sunrise.
I’m vacillating wildly. I like this notion of throwing a dart on the calendar to work through the steps.